Domestic Violence -
The Myths and the Facts

There are also many excuses people make for domestic violence, but the truth is that there is NO EXCUSE for Domestic Violence.

There are also many societal myths surrounding domestic violence, many of which are disputed by fact. Below are some of the myths and facts.

MYTH -
Anger causes violence.
Violence is a response to anger.

"I lost control and hit her."
"I didn’t mean to hurt him, but things just got out of hand."
"If I get angry enough, I will blow and become violent no matter what."

FACT:

While anger is a normal human emotion, violence is a learned behavior. What happens is that we learn very early on that violent and aggressive behavior can be helpful in getting what we want. A youngster throws a temper tantrum at the checkout stand of a grocery store and is given a treat to keep them quiet. This is a learned behavior the child does to be in control. This learned behavior continues on into our adult life. A batterer learns that a scary tone of voice or threatening to hit causes their partner to do what the batter wants. Aggressive or abusive anger can be one technique a person may use to force a partner to do what they want.

MYTH -
If women didn't like it, they wouldn't stay.

"Women ask for it."
"Some women are masochistic."
"They are used to it."

FACT:

Many battered women do leave. When they do, the vast majority of them do not stay in subsequent abusive relationships. However, the period of time after a battered person leaves or expresses the intention to leave is the most dangerous. Seventy-five percent of the homicides and serious assaults occur then. This statistic is a powerful deterrent to leaving.

The nature of domestic violence encourages conditions, which keep a woman economically dependent, socially isolated and trained to feel she has no viable options.

MYTH -
Men are never victims.

"It's the only way he'll listen to me."
"I'm not strong enough to hurt him anyway."
"I'm just standing up for myself."

FACT:

Historically the number of domestic violence reports made by men have been low, however, the number of domestic violence reports by men has steadily increased. While sociologically, men are often perceived as having more power, in heterosexual relationships, a battered man may stay because he is afraid of losing his children. He might find it difficult to ask for help due to fears of being perceived as weak or emasculated. Domestic violence is not a single-gender issue.

MYTH -
Alcohol or drug abuse causes domestic violence.

"I never hit her when I am sober."
"I was so drunk, I don’t remember anything."
"If I don’t use, I won’t hit him."

FACT:

Blaming alcohol or drugs is another way to get out from under the responsibility for violent behavior. Substance abuse and domestic violence are two separate problems that often occur at the same time. Treating one will not cure the other. Many battered partners are stunned to find that their abuser uses sobriety as a technique to control them: "You better not aggravate me, you’ll make me fall off the wagon." In our culture, certain behaviors are accepted when one is "under the influence". A study at the University of Washington demonstrated that men who thought they had drunk alcohol but were given fake drinks chose more violent behavior then men who thought they had not had any alcohol but actually had.

MYTH -
Stress (at work, etc) causes domestic violence.

"I was really upset by being laid off."
"She was threatening to leave me; how would you feel?"

FACT:

Batterers rarely assault their bosses or others outside the home. If you asked a person why they did not punch their boss when written up for a mistake, they would clearly say, "I’d get in trouble for that." The implication that it is okay to take out your frustrations in certain situations but not others. Battering a partner is clearly a decision made by the batterer.

MYTH -
Battering/abuse does not exist in lesbian, bisexual and transgendered communities; only men abuse women.

FACT:

Domestic violence does exist among lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people and in sexual minority communities; it is not a problem limited to heterosexual relationships. The extent and severity of abuse is becoming increasingly evident. Current studies place the incident of violence in same-gender relationships at virtually the same rate as in heterosexual relationships-about 25% of the time. Despite fear and community denial, more and more lesbians, bisexuals and transgendered folks are speaking about battering and abuse in their relationships.

MYTH -
Only hitting or punching is considered battering.

"I'm not a batterer; I barely touched her."
"I'd never punch a woman."

FACT:

Many male batterers tell us that they were taught as youngsters to never hit a woman. However, holding a partner down, preventing them from leaving, shoving or threatening verbally are all forms of domestic violence. A punch is only one of the many forms of domestic violence.

(Some sections adapted from the Men’s Group manual by Joan Zegree from Pence and Paymar, Duluth; Klein, Martin and Kaufman, from the Northwest Network, from the Domestic and Sexual Violence Prevention Office, and clinical experience.)

POLICE RESPONSE:

If you are in immediate danger call 9-1-1

Seattle Police
Domestic Violence Unit
(206) 684-0330
Monday 8am - 5pm

Seattle Police
Victim Support Team
(206) 684-7721 (voicemail)
Friday 7pm - 3 am
Saturday 11am - 3am
Sunday 11am - 12am

Washington State
24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-562-6025

SHELTER:

New Beginnings
24-Hour Domestic Violence Hotline
(206) 522-9472

Crisis Clinic Emergency Shelter Resources

JAIL INFORMATION:

King County Jail
To verify if an individual is in custody:
(206) 296-1234 or access the jail registry online at:
www.metrokc.gov/dad
/inmatelookup/

V.I.N.E System:
1 (877) 425-VINE (8463)
www.vinelink.com
To register for automatic notificationof an inmates release.

COMPUTER RELATED:

This site will help you clear your browser history and cache files:
www.womenslaw.org